Dukakis Hugging Moon Maiden

drownedinink @ 2008-05-09T14:58:00

2008-05-09T18:59:46Z

Another source of frustration is that I forgot my own version of Murphy's Law: the less interested I am in an argument, the more likely it will drag me in, especially when it's in someone else's blog (so this is my way of saying, sorry, fengi.)

the rage, it burns within me

2008-05-09T18:55:43Z

So after having my laptop with a local computer repair guru for about a week, I suddenly learn that, hey, it needs to be sent back to the manufacturer after all.

The guy's been more than nice enough and I don't like to get in the habit of judging people for how they do in tasks I can barely begin to perform myself, so I'm refraining from holding a grudge against him. Still, I kind of wish there was someone around whom I could blame - not to mention have them, in Valerie Solanis' words, "wade through a river of snot."

when weathermen were weathermen

2008-05-09T18:43:26Z

So I've started reading The S.C.U.M. Manifesto, which should be required reading for anyone who ever charged a mainstream feminist writer with misandry (such as Christina Sommers). Weirdly enough it goes well with the flavor of John Waters' commentaries in his early films, where he waxes poetic on just how radical certain elements of '60s and early '70s youth culture were. This has given me a bizarre nostalgia for a time I could never truly know.

I have to ask, what the hell happened? I've heard people speculate that in our current media-saturated culture all possible avenues for genuine rebellion are co-opted by a capital-I Industry before they seriously challenge the mainstream, something that holds true for trends as well as individuals. I'm inclined toward thinking it's something deeper and more complex than that; perhaps huge society-wide nightmare that started with the Manson family murders and sort of, kind of ended with Ronald Reagan and the AIDS epidemic but stretches out up to this moment and beyond. (I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me that the '80s were a "huge society-wide nightmare").

Seeing how tepid the gay rights movement, along with other liberal groups, have become in the current era, I do wonder if something has been lost and whether or not we'll ever get it back. (Of course, if this something inspired the violence of the weathermen and the sociopathic fantasies of The S.C.U.M. Manifesto, it's worth asking if it should stay lost).

at this rate, my blog will become nothing but collections of quotes from friends and conversations

2008-05-08T03:00:51Z

From friend Lauren:

I'm beginning to think it's this post-modernism jazz that helped the
Libertarians come into being- such a staunch rejection of the reality
created by history and a bizarre externalization of personal experience
projected as a common human condition? That's basically both Libertarians
and Foucault. The fact that both have principles basically rooted in
explaining their own personal freakiness further seals the deal.

much wailing and gnashing of teeth

2008-05-07T18:39:05Z

And here we reach the nadir of "identity politics."

on elitism

2008-05-07T17:48:17Z

"So does despising 'American Idol' make me an elitist?"
"Yes. There's no reason why a two-or-three-hit-wonder-turned-drug-addict, someone who worked with such distinguished acts as NSYNC and Mariah Carey, and a man who brought the World Wrestling Federation and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers to the world of popular music can't be the ultimate arbitrers of potential and talent in music. The next thing you'll be telling me is that electing an alcoholic failed businessman as President twice was a disaster."

discount gigolos

2008-05-06T02:28:20Z

I never thought I'd try to open a small business, but today I think I had the best idea ever. Here's the promo I'm already envisioning:

Have you straight women and gay men out there ever looked at the website of an escort agency and was burned by their outrageous rates? Well, I've been there too, and I'm here to bring you high gigolo quality that still fits your budget. There's no good reason why the closeted Republican Congressmen and aging Hollywood stars should have all the fun. We're not living in seventeenth century France. As an American, you have the right to have male prostitutes who are as readily available as a home computer or a cell phone. Generations of soldiers have given their lives over the years for nothing less.

We here at the Discount Escort Agency have scoured the streets, hostels, college dorms, YMCAs, and Match.com for men who are undoubtedly up to code but, because of some insignificant flaw, have been turned down by your stuck-up, elitist escort agencies. These are flaws like a missing tooth or a mutilated finger here, a meth addiction there, maybe even a slight tendency to spout out Neo-Fascist rhetoric at inopportune moments, but, let's face it, we're probably your only shot at scoring a hottie. And whatever your tastes or orientation you will be satisfied by our selection, I gaurantee it.

Of course, not only am I providing a service that I needed on many a cold, lonely night, but I'll have a clientele that can't afford to have me killed!

when I grow up I want to be in the Big Book of British Smiles

2008-05-06T02:07:58Z

I can't be the only person who, while at the dentist's office and waiting for the hygenist to return, thought, "Hmm, maybe I can make a break for it."

I want you...to want me

2008-05-02T17:47:50Z

I'm bored and frustrated (never a pleasant combination), so I'm stealing a page from improperbrahmin's book and inviting everyone to ask me anything.

i watch movies (and read blogs!)

2008-05-01T18:59:04Z

This Filthy World - Even if you're one of those who thinks that John Waters lost his spark years ago (and I for one am not), you might enjoy this odd combination of a stand-up act and a vocalized career retrospective. Some of it covers the same ground he dives into during his commentaries (which are the best I've heard from any director, mostly because Waters actually knows what his audience would want to hear), but it's still fun.

Lars and the Real Girl - Weirdly enough this movie got advertised as a comedy (which was egregious, but not as jaw-dropping as when Trainspotting got the same type of publicity), when it's really more of a film that rather defies genres. Given my own history, I give a lot of slack to movies about pathologically shy people, but I did really like this one, although it got a little too close for comfort once in a while (but, hey, it gave me more of a motivator to do as kia suggested and look for jobs in Boston and New York).

the stupid, it burns

2008-05-01T17:40:29Z

According to FOX News, Abraham Lincoln really debated Frederick Douglass.

gay cultural rebellion: 1990s

2008-04-30T19:25:48Z

A few friends of mine and I had recalled that the '90s had seen an explosion in animated series starring buff male anthropomorphic animals like Biker Mice From Mars, Street Sharks, and Extreme Dinosaurs. Of course, all the shows are the descendants of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the quintessential mixture of anthropomorphic animals and physical violence, but even the titular stars did not quite have such...lovingly depicted physiques. I'm totally convinced that herein lies the origins of today's furries. As far as I know, my revelation is actually common knowledge, which is likely enough given the sort of "special" cartoons and fan fics that are dedicated to childhood showsl ike the ones I listed. However, I wouldn't know. As John Waters once put it, everyone has their limits, and furry culture goes at least a few hundred miles past mine.

Not that I can blame them, understand. It's completely comprehensible what kind of associations you would have, as a gay male kid, if your sexual awakening happened to take place while you were watching an extremely buff mouse-man run around half-shirtless. And as far as "having your sexuality awakened by visual fiction" goes, it's much less creepy (if marginally more socially acceptable) than it happening during a brutal murder scene from a slasher film. Nonetheless I really wonder what was going on here. Was it part of some "Masculinity Backlash" that today gives us fast food commercials that challenge their audience's manliness? Or is there really a gay agenda that infiltrated animation studios to try to inspire a new generation of gym bunnies? Possibly it's all just part of the fantasy of manhood cartoons targeted toward boys aspire to, but I don't recall Snake from "G.I. Joe" making a habit of showing off washboard abs all the time. After scouring for links for this post, I did find a bit of evidence that Higher-Ups somewhere out there noticed how odd it was too. When Biker Mice From Mars was remade in recent years, they actually de-muscled the main characters, so I can't be the only one who's noticed this and thinks there's some odd cultural current behind it.

Incidentally, in case anyone reading this is wondering, my sexual awakening was given to me by a book assigned in fifth grade, S.E. Hinton's "The Outsiders." I can't remember exactly which scene, but it was either the one where Ponyboy and Soda are shirtless in bed together and Ponyboy is contemplating how handsome and athletic his brother is or the one where Ponyboy is giving his brother Darryl a massage while describing how tight his t-shirt is around his large chest and six-pack abs. They might as well sell "The Outsiders" as gay softcore erotica with an incest theme and an intrusive subplot about teenage gangs.

back to high school

2008-04-30T00:57:39Z

So I found out that my book has somehow made it into my old high school's library. I can only assume that none of the administrators or the librarians turned a single page. The simple idea that a book I wrote with a lengthy footnote explaining what the ancient Romans thought about anal sex sits within the walls of my old backwards, soul-crushing school makes the whole experience of writing it ~~and getting somewhat screwed over by the publisher~~ worth it.

the objectivist manor on the hill

2008-04-30T00:45:25Z

From kobold, we see that there's a movement for Ron Paul supporters to live in a gated community.

It's like I don't have to put any real effort behind my personal campaign to relabel Libertarians as Neo-Feudalists...

invasion

2008-04-29T17:44:16Z

I don't have anything against spiders, per se. My true enemy from the realm of very small animals is and always will be bees and wasps and hornets. I honestly have a bona fide phobia, even of humanity's alleged friend, the honeybee. As for spiders...well, at least they can't fly and don't attack en masse. And the fourteen-year old in me simply loves the concept of an eight-legged, eight-eyed, trap-setting vampire.

Unfortunately, as in the classic film Arachnophobia, my home is being invaded. Eleven large, fat, healthy spiders have already shown up while a downstairs sink was turned into a nursery for twenty or so broodlings. Worse of all, these are a special kind of spider native just to my part of the United States, the brown recluse, who like to set up homes in people's closets, nightstands, and even their clothes and shoes, whose bites you probably won't notice until the nausea and muscle and joint pain sets in, and, if you're really, really lucky, their venom will cause the tissue around the bite wound to literally rot.

So, needless to say, despite my lack of a grudge against the spider species, I've been as free with the bug spray as an '80s action star was with bullets. In fact, I think after writing this, I'll go another round. I'll kill myself with my own reckless use of toxic materials before I let myself be wounded by freeloading spiders.

fictionsuit!

2008-04-29T02:05:34Z

(Chad approaches a mansion in New York on Graymalkin Lane and rings the doorbell. A man in a wheelchair who bears a curious resemblence to Patrick Stewart, named Charles Xavier, answers the door.)

CHARLES: Yes?
ME: Hi, Professor Xavier? I'm a tourist who's just passing through and I know you don't know me, but...well...you only have to read my mind to know how little luck I've had with online personals.
CHARLES: Hm, yes. Have you ever tried e-Harmony? Hank McCoy has had great success with that service. He says it's the only time he's found women who weren't furries.
ME: Well, see...
CHARLES: Oh, yes. They're not exactly inclusive toward your...preferences, are they?
ME: Exactly. So I was in the area and thought it couldn't hurt to ask...could I use Cerebra to go...uh...
CHARLES: The phrase "ass-fishing" appears to be on the tip of your mind.
ME: Yes! Ass-fishing! I mean, you can appreciate that, right? In fact, I always thought you were one of those people who would have a profile on Match.com and never admit it.
CHARLES: ...
ME: Your username is something like BUFFNBALD, am I right?
CHARLES: May we please go back to your original question?
ME: Oh, right. So I figured Cerebra would be the ultimate online personals search. Want someone who lives nearby who's in good shape, is at least literate, has good taste in movies, and is lonely or desperate enough to go out with me? Bang! There he is! And I gleam enough info right from the source to set up an 'accidental meeting.' Plus...well, just between you and me, I can drop a tiny little thought that he should maybe go out and try to meet someone.
CHARLES: Beyond the questionable ethics of using Cerebra to obtain a romantic partner in such a manner, you should know, since you possess so much knowledge of my affairs, that only telepaths can use Cerebra without...how do I put this?...going completely insane.
ME: Dammit. I forgot about all that. So how about you doing a little search for me? I'll settle for a reasonably attractive guy who knows that a 'peninsula' isn't a drug.
CHARLES: Tell you what? Let's not and say we did.
ME: Fine, fine. Some freakin' humanitarian you are. You know, I bet it's not like you've never used it to get some action.
CHARLES: I never have - not just because, unlike you, I have a moral code, but also because I never needed to. *ahem* Will anyone here who has slept more than once with an intergalactic empire's young, nubile head of state, please raise their hand?
(Charles raises his hand and radiates smugness.)
ME: Oh, go win a dance-off.
(Charles slams the door.

(By the way, this post is canonical!)

now who's a mindless ideologue?

2008-04-27T19:11:48Z

Speaking of anti-intellectualism, racism, and faux-populism, the Arizona state legislature wants to ban certain student groups and classes and cut funding to schools that allow any curriculum deemed to be "anti-American."

SB 1108 would forbid students from participating in groups organized around racial solidarity. So, for instance, students could not join the Black Business Students Association, Native Americans United or MEChA (Moviemiento Estudiantil Chicano de Aztlán). Whether one agrees with these groups or not, one would have thought they would be protected by freedom of assembly and freedom of speech. Arizona Republicans say "No!" You can sign a petition against this measure here.

Moreover, the measure would also forbid courses to be organized around race. Latino/a Studies, African American studies, and Asian American studies would all be illegal. Note to self: Never take an academic job in Arizona. Note to current Arizona Professors: Get out, if you can.

Republicans have called this measure part of “Homeland Security.” They promise to cut state funding to Arizona schools whose courses “denigrate American values and the teachings of Western civilization.” SB 1108 also would bar teachers from “overtly encouraging dissent” from those values, including democracy, capitalism, pluralism and religious toleration. All teaching materials would have to be approved by the school superintendent for review.</i>

You have to admire the mind that can survive such a bizarre line of "logic": "Pluralism is an American value, and to protect it we must limit freedom of speech and assembly and prevent students from being exposed to certain points of view."

heart orson

2008-04-27T18:13:15Z

Documenting Orson Scott Card's descent into Aged Sci-Fi Novelist Madness has been a fascinating experience, but even I never thought he'd go this far down:

In the real world, of course, everyone reacts with fear to strangers on the street who, for whatever reason, appear to them to present some degree of peril. It would be idiotic for a lone white woman, seeing a group of black teenagers coming toward her on the street not to feel some anxiety. There are so many things that could go wrong. This is not racism, this is a product of living in our times.

Of course, this came from a post about Barrack Obama, who seems to have the superhuman power to make white people all across the country say incredibly fucked-up things.

Beyond the unnecessary application of race to the potential victim and the potential assailants (it's certainly interesting but not surprising that Card racializes the scenario without stumbling on a thought that a woman of any race would probably feel uncomfortable in that situation, regardless of the teenagers' race), there's that "living in our times" canard, which drives me mad. You can almost hear Card shouting, "Things would really be just like in 'The Andy Griffin Show' if feminists and black radicals hadn't conspired together to ruin everything for everybody!"

Besides the quote I shared, there really wasn't much else in the essay (which has the hilariously unbiased title, "Barrack Obama - Racist or Elitist?"). It's more or less the standard cry of "reverse racism", with a snide comment about Al Gore and his conspiracy to make everyone believe in global warming for some reason thrown in, and Card trying desperately to prove that he's a true populist, which I really think is one of the more fascinating elements in his writing. It's almost as if he's terrified that people will think he's a snotty intellectual because of his profession (and his lifestyle, if his reviews of restaurants and products are any indication). The tragic irony is that I'm confident that if Card went to some of the real "everyman" hangouts that still exist where I grew up - a county that's truly rural, poor, and god-fearin' - he'd probably wet himself.

i watch movies

2008-04-27T16:21:13Z

Day of the Locust (1975) - I had high hopes for this one, since it's based on a novel by one of my favorite American authors, Nathaniel West; the director was John Schlesinger, fresh from directing two of his best movies, Sunday Bloody Sunday and Midnight Cowboy; it's all about pre-World War II Hollywood, which I'm endlessly fascinated by; and I've read a couple of reviews that praise it as a lost classic. My own reaction was less enthusiastic. True, it was a refreshingly gruesome film, the sort of movie you ought to show to moralists who honestly believe that Hollywood has pushed the envelope right off the table. It is filled with the sort of subtle horrors even the makers of today's "torture porn" films wouldn't touch, up to the graphic sight of ~~Keifer~~ Donald Sutherland stomping to death a child actor who looks more than a little like Shirley Temple, which no contemporary filmmaker would dare film. Unfortunately, the pacing was as chaotic as a bipolar person's moods and the thematic and visual pay-off to the entire movie, a Los Angeles crowd that came to Hollywood to gawk at the stars on their way to a film premier turning into a psychotic and blood-drenched mob, is completely overbaked. Still, at least you get to see Karen Black in a rare non-b-movie appearance.

How To Marry A Millionaire - Ever since I watched Norma Jean and Marilyn, I've been on a bit of a Marilyn Monroe kick and trying to remedy the fact that I've only seen Some Like It Hot. Marilyn has less of a role than the film's inclusion in several different Marilyn film collections than you might think at a glance, but it's still courtroom-worthy evidence to prove that she actually was a talented actress with a gift for comedic timing, rather than the precursor to "manufactured celebrities" like Paris Hilton, which is still the verdict of some people.

Hot Fuzz - Actually, I saw this a long time ago, but I watched it again recently and thought I'd take that as an excuse to say this movie is indeed a beautiful thing. It's always fascinating when someone manages to pull off a movie that's not just a parody of a well-known film sub-genre, but manages to be a film that stands entirely on its own as well.

Shivers - I don't like zombie films, mostly for the same reason I'm bored by most Westerns*: you've seen one, you've already seen about 90 percent of them (honestly, for all the flack slasher films get for repeating motifs and plot points, zombie films, especially those made outside Italy, are in my opinion even more monolithic). Still, this one stood out, since it's not only an early effort by David Cronenberg, but it takes the basic concept of zombies and replaces the idea of the mindless, cannibalistic undead with rampaging nymphomaniacs who spread their unique brand of "zombieism" like a STD. It's rather similar to his film Rabid, enough that you might call Rabid a "spiritual sequel", but it does feel more like a uniquely Cronenbergian take on zombies, something we can all enjoy.

*I still want to see 3:10 to Yuma, because the hope of seeing Christian Bale shirtless springs eternal.

london calling

2008-04-25T04:15:12Z

So after months of wondering if there was some modern equivalent of a papal interdict on me, someone finally showed an interest in my work: Sutton Publishing responded to a proposal I sent them on this book that I thought no one would publish. The thrill not only comes from my knowledge that this is a larger publisher, but also from the simple little fact that I own four or five books with this company's name on it. They seem to share my philosophy that "popular" and "academic" history do not have to be genres that cannot overlap, too, so it's a bit like getting a nod from up high.

In the letter they did not really commit to anything, but they did ask for information about my last book (and offered if I would have any issues if they recommended some "significant rewriting", which I'll admit was like someone slipped bits of broken glass into my ego-booster juice). Here's hoping they'll understand that it was issued by a small publisher and that there wasn't exactly a hurricane of critical reviews (although I did get a positive review from a newspaper in Bangladesh of all places) nor was the editorial/proofreading work exactly...hm, up to code.

Time to try not to make my response too groveling.

Addendum: Seriously, what is it with me and the British? Am I already on my way to becoming the British writer/historian answer to Jerry Lewis and David Hasslehoff? My homeland's publishers and magazines and universities want nothing to do with me, while Britain has already given me two book offers (sort of) and invited me to a post-doctoral program. Dammit, I was born in the wrong country.

my rich fulfilling life

2008-04-23T04:22:34Z

I became really excited today. Why? In a local university library I accidentally came across a book entirely on prostitution and law in imperial Rome.

This either means that I've found my true calling...or I really, really need a Significant Other.

so this is what a fourth-rate marquis de sade looks like...

2008-04-22T18:35:05Z

It seems that people all across the Livejournal nation are now discovering the joy in bashing a certain popular LJer, just because he wanted to make groping women a socially acceptable event at a Con (I know, the jokes write themselves).

I won't say too much, since the folks I linked to already said it better, but for me, a would-be historian of sexuality and someone who recently defended legalized prostitution in this space, the whole scenario, while ostensibly consensual, does bring to my mind after-school TV specials about the perils of peer pressure, especially when you have surreal, oblivious comments like this (brought to attention by fengi):

"My breasts," they asked shyly, having heard about the project. "Are they... are they good enough to be touched?" And lo, we showed them how beautiful their bodies were without turning it into something tawdry.

Then there's the heteronormative elephant standing out in the room. While he did claim that he let men fondle his ass, I have no confidence that he would have been so gleefully hedonistic as to let a man, especially a gay man, explore his (or any of the other male participants') bodily netherregions. Hell, the name alone has a distinct "(Straight) boys will be (straight) boys!" ring to it while the alleged omnisexual element just comes across as a cheap, tasteless dressing.

I suppose, as someone who does bemoan his own sexual hangups, I should be more sympathetic, even to someone whom I dislike for his views on other matters (like, say, comparing mental illness to a game of "Oregon Trail"), but when the original author writes things like this -

And your response seems to come from a personal mindset of, "My body is something so special to me that only people I have firmly vetted and talked to and invested in should be allowed to touch those areas." Which is fine. It's a way of saying, "I only want people I find attractive and/or nice to want me," which is in fact the prevalent societal attitude.

But that also involves an interview process, and the attitude that your body is a vested space that is, by nature, exclusive. That's fine. But that doesn't mean it's the only way to be, or that it's always healthy.

- any understanding I might have evaporates completely and I'm just left with, "What the hell is wrong with you?!" (I'd add that maybe theferrett is indirectly giving me the solution to my boy problems - I should be much less uptight about random strangers feeling me up, no matter how attractive or likable I find them! - but I have the strangest feeling that his message isn't directed toward men).

I have to admit, though, I feel a little sad. It's like the entire world has discovered a special little place I go to in order to vent my rage. Hopefully I won't have to share my Orson Scott Card with everyone.

drownedinink @ 2008-04-20T14:45:00

2008-04-20T18:47:00Z

Speaking of Desperately Seeking, didn't Livejournal have an online personals-style feature at one time? If so, does anyone use it?

things I watch

2008-04-17T17:05:03Z

Louis Black's "Root of All Evil" - I was terrified that I was on my way to becoming one of those damn hippies who are all smug about not watching TV. Then I finally found a show I wanted to watch that wasn't "30 Rock." Louis Black is one of two or three working comedians I enjoy, and the premise was custom-made for someone with my pop culture obsessions: take two concepts or people from culture or politics and judge them in a mock trial to see which is more "evil." Louis Black is the judge while the two attorneys are comedians who, I presume, prepare their own cases. Of course, I was probably being really generous, since high school and "American Idol" were on trial this episode and in the end "American Idol" was judged as the more evil. The best line bashing "American Idol" came, naturally, from Louis Black himself, who decreed, "An artist cannot be made or broken in a season," but another highlight was a comparison between the Bush administration and the central characters of The Breakfast Club. Regardless, next week Kim Jong-Il and Tila Tequila go on trial, which should be a thing of beauty.

Norma Jean and Marilyn - I'm sure there's some bizarre psychological reason why I'm drawn to biopics about Hollywood or Bohemian ambition and self-destruction, so maybe I'm not a partial critic of such films. Still, like most of the other HBO biopics from the period (such as The Passion of Ayn Rand, which actually made me sympathize with the subject, if only for two minutes), it's a surprisingly well put-together and even insightful film. Also it's not as exploitive as one might expect (although it does start with a gloriously unnecessary dream sequence where a completely nude Ashley Judd receives communion in a church) nor does the device of using two actresses to portray different personae of the same women wear out. Like any good biopic, it went beyond the bare facts, dramatic as they might have been, and tried to piece together a theory about the internal life of the subject. The main reason I enjoyed it, though, is that it didn't really bring out the hoary old "she would have been better off if she gave up her career and just found love!" moral, most recently seen in Hollywoodland, and instead put the blame on a horrible, deeply flawed society, which forced a bright, cynical red-haired teenager to become a ditzy, non-threatening blond in order to just make a name for herself.

Knocked Up - I've made a sincere effort to like Judd Apatow's films. And I can appreciate them, but only on a purely technical, craftsmanship level. I just can't stomach the film's idea of what an "average single man" should be like. It's not that I'm one of those people who hates the so-called "prolonged adolescence" elements of modern culture - I run a blog where I write about superhero comics, for God's sake - but nonetheless I just found the male lead so unappealing, even loathsome in several respects. Further, as my friend Lauren pointed out, the whole moral to this and other Appletow movies seems to be the revelation that women are people too. A film critic whose name I forget pointed out that the female lead is a non-entity with "no desires of her own", which I think gets to the root of why I found the film to be so empty itself.

another reason why hereditary monarchy is actually superior to democracy

2008-04-17T15:41:48Z

August Pollack, who I'm going to zap with my Gay Ray (when I finally get around to inventing it) and make my husband, tells us what we expected from the Great Hilary/Obama Smackdown:

40 minutes into the ABC debate and the questions have been about: will you pick the other as a running mate, Obama's "bitter" quote, Hillary's Bosnia story, and Rev. Wright. That's 40 minutes of a 90-minute debate in which not a single question about anything fucking related to being president has been asked.

We've literally already lost the election, haven't we? I mean, all of us, collectively.

At least they didn't bring up the time Obama was shamelessly caught not wearing an American flag pin. Just for that, I'll bring ABC News up from a F to a D-.